Okay, so its Monday morning at ten o’clock and I’m trying to make an unsweetened cup of tea stretch out as an excuse to read funny stuff on the Internet. That’s one of the benefits of living alone… no one but the little taskmaster in my head to crack the whip. Oh, and the bank, but its President’s Day so they should all be closed. Oh, and the animals, but I’ve fed them all, with the exception of Gammera (“Feed the tortoise today, Diane! Remember to feed the tortoise!”). The unsweetened tea is a kind of torture because I usually take it with honey, but I am trying really, really hard to lose that twenty pounds that I thought I had lost for good a couple of years ago, but which found me again. I’m also using the excuse that its the Great Backyard Bird Count weekend to watch the birds swarming to the feeders as I surf. All of this, of course, is an excuse to not go dig bamboo and transplant enormously heavy trees like I did yesterday (that ingrate of a lemon tree poked me in the eye while I was trying to rescue it! I left that sucker partially dug out last night as punishment. See if it learned its lesson by now…). Oh, and its a little cool outside (what a California wimp I am!). I am also feeling the afterguilt (new word?) from having ranted on the blog yesterday. Besides, funny things happen.
For instance last night, while I was watching a couple of Rowen and Martin’s Laugh-In episodes I had waited forever for the library to get in (and can’t renew because its on hold), my fat cat Pippin was zonked out on my favorite chair. Pippin is about 18 pounds. He was a skinny boy that showed up in our yard a couple of years ago and never went away. He sucked down food as if he needed it for emotional support (um… that sounds familiar!). Only one of my other indoor cats will tolerate him. Matthew is a kind-hearted soul. He’s a peace and love kind of cat, at least he’s become that after spending his first year of being in the house hiding behind the bookcase hissing at everyone. Matthew has a deep throaty whirr when he plays wildly with cat toys. Anyway, Matthew, in search of a warm spot (I don’t turn on the house heat), perched on top of the lovely ribbon-embroidery pillow next to Pippin. Somewhere around the point in Laugh In when Miss Greer Garson hit Henry Gibson on the head with an inflated hammer I glanced over to the chair (myself wrapped in several blankets, a robe and two cats), and saw that Matthew had found a warmer place to perch!
Pippin is solid, like a beached whale. He protested a little by waving his paw ineffectually (his front legs stick out straight when he lays on his side) and then going back to sleep.
So my Internet search started with Facebook, to see if there were any humorous links from my more sophisticated friends (I’m always at least a year behind in finding out the funny stuff. At least three years behind in technology!). Then I checked out Cake Wrecks ( http://cakewrecks.squarespace.com/ ) , which is a hilariously funny blog that posts disaster cakes with wonderful commentary. From there I went to The Bloggess (http://thebloggess.com/2012/02/her-name-is-juanita-juanita-weasel-unless-you-can-think-of-something-better/ ). This blog has pretty ‘mature’ language and topics, but it is laugh-till-you-choke hilarious. From there I went to Know Your Meme (http://knowyourmeme.com/ ). A meme (rhymes with cream… I looked it up) is whatever has viral popularity on the Internet. This site lists current memes, some of which are actually funny, but most of which make you really wonder about the average intelligence of the US Internet audience. Then I followed her link to Pintrest (http://pinterest.com/thebloggess/kick-ass-stuff/) which is a virtual bulletin board where people ‘pin’ interesting things they find on the Internet. Think of it like a workroom pinboard with cut-out jokes and photos hung all over it. I swear, I don’t know how people find the time to do all this Internet stuff and yet conduct normal lives or get enough exercise.
Speaking of exercise, I need to go see if that lemon tree has learned its lesson yet. Oh, and feed the tortoise.